Wisdom for parents

Here is my reflection for this week, the fruit of a week of prayer and inspired by the scriptures for this Sunday.

Love them always

As I read the words of today’s scriptures, I couldn’t help hearing the voices of some children and some adolescents I’ve known.  Any parent who has ever said no to a child who is in a grocery store and reaches for some candy at the checkout has heard this voice.  Any parent who has said no to extending a curfew has heard this voice: You’re not being fair.  Every parent wants his or her children to be happy but that doesn’t always mean that they should get what they ask for.  I think that one of the most difficult things for a parent to do is to say no to a child, yet there are times when no is the answer that must be given.  After all, if parents don’t make the rules, what guidance will children ever receive?

The experts say that restrictive rules: the ones that begin with no, should always be balanced with a positive side.  Be as quick to praise good behaviour as you are to restrict disobedience, but for some people this is a more difficult challenge.  Children need to know the limits, yes; but they also need to know when they’re on the right track.  In their quest for guidance, children look first of all to their parents for encouragement when they do well in school, or when they try out for a place on the team.  When their knees or their egos are scraped by the bumps and hard knocks of life, children will turn to their parents first for consolation.  When they must face defeat of any kind, children will turn to their parents for compassion and sympathy.

Many of us here today are parents, and all of us are children of our own earthly parents.  How many times have I heard it said that parenting doesn’t come with a handbook? … so where are young parents supposed to find the answers?  You know better than I do that in some cases, young mothers will turn to their own mothers to find the answers to at least some of their questions; young fathers may also turn to their own fathers to seek similar answers.  In some cases, especially if they don’t have good relationships with their parents, young parents will turn to their friends or to grandparents, or to those I might call surrogate parents for such guidance.

There was a time, not so long ago, when parents would encourage their children to turn also to prayer, to look to the family of faith for guidance and support.  I wonder how often that happens today.  The same questions that adult children ask of their parents today have been asked and answered of God.  Jesus even used stories of everyday life to teach his disciples and to teach us.  In today’s gospel, he presents a story that would have been very familiar to all his hearers: a father who asks his two sons to go out into the vineyard, to give him a hand.  How many times have fathers asked the same question of their sons and daughters today?  Hidden in that question is an invitation to spend some time together, to learn a lesson or two, but children don’t always recognize the invitation; they will usually accept if they see the merit, if the activity is enjoyable, but they will delay if they can find something more engaging.  The interesting part of this story is that Jesus says that it wasn’t the child who first said yes to his father’s request, but the one who first denied it who ended up answering the call, so let’s ask ourselves this week: what’s holding me back from saying yes to Jesus’ invitation to follow him? Am I willing to go into the vineyard?